“Lin Peng · Outside of Art” 2023 NYRCA Annual Solo Exhibition

Kiss This Absurd and Brutal World

Lin Peng

On the evening of November 30, 2022. Confused, panicked, anxious, irritable, frustrated, melancholy, feeling everything but hope in political suppression. The mental state during the pandemic has been swirling around in the past few years; the revolving roulette of life points to nowhere but a hopeless abyss. Finally, I find internal peace in solitude with philosophy, Taoism, and Buddhism, adding a little bit of self-deception…

Stepping on the road of art is an accidental but inevitable journey for me, just like the existence of each of us in this world. Maybe you will come, maybe not, before coming is a superposition, we who come to this world, people who see my words, you collapse here in this moment, and are certain, of course, people who don’t know me and I don’t know, in fact, for our understanding, it is a superposition, when we know that moment, we can be sure, you, I… Maybe my metaphor is inappropriate, but it’s the closest I can think of. On the same day twenty-two years ago, under normal circumstances, I should have been a senior in a private high school in Chengdu, the capital city of Sichuan province, preparing for Gao Kao, the college entrance examination test. However, due to my poor academic performance, I was a senior in a junior high school in a satellite town called Shehong, preparing for the high school entrance examination test once again. Being demoted three grade levels at once, I felt like being exiled to a desolate desert. There was no highway back then, so every trip between Chengdu and Shehong meant a torturesome journey:  six or seven hours of bus ride, untasty food from the roadside restaurants, and restless night on an odorous intercity coach. During the unbearable suffering, I started to ponder about the purpose of my life for the first time. I used to be carefree and had no concept about thinking. Maybe at the time, the affluent family financial situation made me see no necessity to work for my own future, settled to be a happy “bug” in my own dwelling. Repeating the senior year in junior high was a wake-up call; I realized that four more years of study was the opportunity for me to reroute my life in the right direction. I convinced myself that I was not stupid, and there was no problem with my intellectual capability. I vowed to work my butt off and cherish this opportunity given by my parents. I promised them that I would at least go to Fudan or Nankai University if I could not make it to topnotch Tsinghua or Peking University. It felt like I was a gambler who had lost everything, but a magic power recharged my account and reset everything to its original setting, so I got the opportunity to win again. My hope turned out to be a delusion, and I, turned out to be a complete loser.

Those four years, alas… was utterly embarrassing. Besides being punished for misbehavior, I was expelled once. I concluded that I was a maggot; even if I transformed one day, I could only become a big-headed fly, and my destination would be a dune hill. My poor grades forced me to find another way to self-salvation, so I embarked on the road of art with least amount of expectation. Surprisingly, I gradually fell in love with art, and engraved such a passion into my blood and bone marrow. I felt special the first time–although I did not know what art truly embodied at the moment, I was thrilled that I could grow long hair without others’ judgmental sneer, I could swing by female classmates with a pretentious look, and most importantly, I could show off the talent and skill that others did not have. For someone who had always suffered from the humiliation of poor grades and self-deprecation, I developed an unprecedented confidence that ordinary people like me could succeed too. I worked hard for the first time in my life. Later, when I graduated from college and became one of the masses in the crowd, all of a sudden, I started to question myself, “Who am I? Where am I from? Where am I going?” In a split second, I realized that I was no longer a tiny bug shielded under a human skin. I have never realized about the absurdity of my past life until now. What was next? To start working for a salary? To start living with an anticipated career like my peers and the adults around me? To prove to myself, to my parents, and to my friends that I was finally ready to follow the same lifestyle like everybody else? What was the meaning of life? We came into the world not by chance, or even just accident, indoctrinated with consciousness that we may not like.  The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus once said: “We are born on a stage,Not of our choosing,And the play we perform,Has been written for us.” I wanted to make sense of my life and make choice for myself. I carefully had a conversation with my parents. I explained to them that in the next ten years, I was determined to pursue a path of becoming a professional artist. This was fated to be a bumpy road with lots of unpredictability, but I wanted to follow my heart and give it a try. I asked for their temporary financial support because I was incapable of climbing over the “high wall” in front of me on my own. I never meant to be a parasite exploiting my parents incessantly, but I desperately needed someone to put a ladder on the wall and give me an added impetus to climb up. I was grateful my parents gave me unconditional understanding and support at that time. However, when I just hung my arms on the wall, striving to make the next move, the ladder was pulled away, and I was left there exhausted and helpless. My parents encountered a financial pitfall and lost a significant amount of money in business. Suddenly, not only couldn’t they offer me any financial support for my career, but the family financial situation also fell into a dead end. I was forced to think about my life again and quickly realized that there was no joke—I needed to fight for my dream this time completely on my own.

When a person’s material world is scarce, the spiritual world tends to be enriched, and he or she will finally understand the essence of the reality. Reset to ground zero seems to be the inevitable reality of my destiny, prompting me to unlock new skills one by one, as described below in this poem:

Wechat……

Flipping the address book, back and forth,

Countless avatars floating in front of me.

I am pondering,

What kind of person do I look like to the people behind these avatars?

Am I a trustworthy person in the eyes of others?

Am I a person who can still be remembered for his appearance?

Can I also remember the people behind these avatars?

I’m thinking hard about what they think of me.

I’m looking at me in front of my avatar fiercely,

In fact

I’m thinking

Borrow money…”

Life is full of paradox. It seems as if the financial constraints in life have become a key to a heaven of inspiration, unlocking my soul through continuous creation of artwork. Facing the canvas, I can touch my heart and forget a lot of unpleasantness; looking back at the past self, I can laugh off any absurdity and unrealistic fantasy. Afterall, the generation of the 1980s has not experienced the previous turmoil and unrest. We grow up with a more open culture, watching Japanese comic shows, playing video games, and eating individually packaged snacks. We are the thriving flowers in the green house.Most people’s faces are full of yearning for hope, never worrying about the fragility of the happiness. Older folks call us the Beat Generation, claiming that we lick honey in the jar and know nothing about suffering, unlike our predecessors who have never bathed in the spring breeze, but deprived of material satisfaction and advanced technology. They call us the happiest generation. Yet, we are the generation who wave good-bye to guaranteed stability of planned economy and stumble with the drastic change to market economy. We must pay mortgage, car loan, and all kinds of other loans, and finally, the generation of 1980s has become the most reminiscent and responsible generation. We have experienced the last innocence of that era but are also caught up with the superfluous materialism of this era. And right now, we are agonizing over the human disaster resulted from a natural disaster. It is the tumor that has been hidden for a long time, eroding our willingness to think for ourselves and making people feel powerless to fight back. I am asking myself repeatedly: is it worth it to be an obedient dog and do what I am told to do, or be a hero to act with independent thinking? I can only pick up a pen and record what I think on the canvas and face this absurd and brutal world with a gentle kiss.

Writing so much, I slowly lit a cigarette, ready to watch the World Cup with Chinese soccer team excluded. Argentina vs Poland. I put some bet on the game, not caring to win or lose. But this is not good—it costs money to bet on a short-term gambling on a game, but it costs life on a long-term gambling on one’s destiny. We never know who the final winner is.

I still remember the excitement I felt when participating in an exhibition for the first time more than ten years ago.Standing outside of Sichuan Art Gallery, seeing the oil painting I made used for the background of the exhibit poster, my heart was fully filled. Unfortunately, the feeling faded away as time passed by, until the birth of my daughter.

I had never planned to settle down – getting married and having children seemed a huge responsibility and a frightening commitment to me. Parenthood was never a question that requires answers for my parents’ generation. It is constructed as an inevitable and passive decision among married adults and it is deeply embedded into sociocultural structures. In the past, people rarely thought about the potential risks and problems of raising a child in a not ‘child-friendly’ society. When the welfare and education system cannot support a family successfully, what can I do as a father?

I became an educator.

By nourishing a child’s soul, providing a credible guide for a child’s advancement, imparting knowledge, good values and traditions within my students, my hope is that my students can continue building up a better world when they grow up – a world of genuineness, kindness and hope, and a world my beloved daughter lives in.

Lin Peng

Born in Chengdu in May 1983, Lin Peng spent his first three years in Xinjiang due to his mother’s response to the government’s call for educated youth to go to the countryside and his father’s service in the military. He returned to Chengdu with his family after his father left the military. Since then, the imprint of Chengdu has been deeply engraved on him.

From primary school in 1989 to senior high school in 2000, like most people born in the 1980s in China, Lin followed a normal path. An unexpected encounter and baptism allowed him to participate in the art college entrance examination in 2004 and subsequently spend four years at the Chengdu Academy of Fine Arts until his graduation in 2008.

If it weren’t for his mentor Tang Tao, perhaps Lin would have given up on the path of art a long time ago. In 2009, he participated in his first exhibition at the Sichuan Provincial Art Museum, which was very exciting. Later, he participated in various exhibitions throughout the country and the excitement faded. As an artist, one needs to survive first. In a fit of passion, Lin invested in a hot pot restaurant in 2014, hoping to have a stable source of income and not have to cater to others’ tastes in his art. However, the investment was a complete failure, and Lin realized how naive he had been.

In 2016, to make a living, I started a small art training institution with my friends, the Silly Art Life Hall. We were very responsible and did not teach children simple strokes. I often tell parents that this is not a place to learn how to draw. Why is it called Silly Art? Because each of us is born into this world with confusion and cluelessness, but we absolutely cannot die in confusion and cluelessness. Therefore, drawing is just a language, and the most important thing is to use this language to express oneself. Our emotions need to be expressed, our thoughts need to be expressed, we are human…

In 2018, the most important person in my life arrived, my daughter.

Painting, the Silly Art Life Hall, raising my daughter. Everything seemed to be moving in a good direction, but not long after, I went through a strange and tumultuous three years, constantly closing and closing, and still closing. Finally, like a plucked chicken that has been severely injured, I continue to strive towards the sun and crow, and we still persist to this day.

I have participated in fewer exhibitions in the past two years, but I have always been painting because painting itself is a part of life, with great significance, and also without meaning.

This short video can be considered as a monologue on life, and I wanted to use this music by Mr. Ryuichi Sakamoto, which was actually decided with Brother Jiacheng in mid-March. It’s just that I didn’t expect…remembrance, because “Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence” was created in 1983 and appeared in this world with the movie in May, which happens to be the same month that I came to this world that year… Actually, whether we work in an art-related field or not, we all strive to live, and many things are not as glamorous as they seem on the surface. As someone who has reached middle age, I believe that this is just choosing a way of living for oneself and having faith in it.

這段小視頻算對生活的獨白吧，想用坂本龍一先生的這段音樂，其實是在三月中旬的時候和佳誠兄定下的，只是沒想到……緬懷，因為《聖誕快樂，勞倫斯先生》是1983年創作的，五月和電影一起出現在這個世界，恰好我也是那一年五月來到這個世界……其實不管做不做藝術相關的工作，大家都努力的活著，很多東西並不是表面那麼的光鮮，在不惑之年的我相信，這只是選擇了一種自己活著的方式，並願意為之有著信仰。

輕吻這個荒誕又畜生橫行的世界

林朋

2022年11月30日晚，迷茫，恐慌，焦慮，煩躁，喪氣，愁眉……都在政治性抑鬱中看不到希望。疫情這幾年的精神狀態在此反复旋轉，生活輪盤上的指針，隨時在指向這些詞語，最後只有在寡歡中，用哲學，用道家，佛家思想努力自欺，撫平思緒。

踏上藝術這條路是偶然中的必然，二十二年前的今天，正常情況下，我應該正在成都一所叫嘉好的私立高中念高三，去努力備戰高考，但實際我卻在四川另一個叫射洪的縣城裡念初三，又再一次參加中考，一次性連降三級，這種情況應該在國內是非常少之，至於原因，那又是另外一個故事，這次降級被“流放”到一個那時候認為很遠的地方，之所以用流放這個詞，是當時的真實感受，因為那時候還沒有直達的高速，六七個小時左右的車程，在記憶里中途還要下車吃飯，晚上還有臥舖長途汽車。這時我人生第一次出現了思考，曾經的我，只是一個快樂的動物，不知什麼是思考，也許當時的家境在那個小環境中還算殷實，所以在一個比較安定環境裡，成為了一隻歡樂的蟲子……重新又有四年的學習，覺得自己並不笨，智力也沒有問題，好似一場賭博輸了，應該下桌了，結果系統又重新給你充了值，讓你再來一遍，而且還是原來一樣的牌局，所以當天立誓，這再給我的四年，我要努力學習，對的起父母給的這個機會，我就是再傻逼，不說考上清華北大至少也要上一個複旦南開這樣的，這句是我給母親說的原話，事後證明我是一個騙子。

因為文化成績太差，所以走上了藝術這條拯救之路，沒有想到，走著走著就愛上了，走著走著就深入了血液與骨髓，因為那時候雖然並不知道藝術是什麼，但是可以留長頭髮啊，在女同學面前可以飄逸而過，對於我這個成績差，一看就不是什麼好同學的人來說，終於有一個一般人不會的東西了，就這樣，我人生中第一次努力了……後來大學了，畢業了，變成了人潮中的群眾，甲乙丙丁們人頭攢動，突然感受到了，我是誰？我從哪裡來？我將要到哪裡去？那一瞬間，意識到自己好像不再是一個披著人皮的動物，我自己是如此的荒誕，但是卻從未意識到過，接下來，是開始為了那一份工資而工作？像身邊的同齡人一樣，學著曾經眼中的大人，開始有模有樣的活著？時刻給自己，給父母，給朋友們證明著，我終於開始成熟了？到底生命的意義是什麼？我們因為一個偶然，甚至只是意外，來到這個世界，被灌輸了一些也許並不是自己喜歡的意識，古希臘哲學家愛比克泰德曾說：”我們登上並非我們所選擇的舞台，演出並非我們所選擇的劇本。”，所以我準備自己選一次，我慎重的和父母做了一次交談，我準備啃老十年，去走一條職業藝術的路，不是說我想啃老，而是，覺得這條路充滿了太多不確定因素，就像我面前的一堵高牆，我還沒有獨立翻越過去的能力，我雙臂掛在上面的時候，需要有人在腳下使勁的推一把。感謝我的父母當時對我的理解與支持，不過就當我，剛跳上去掛著的時候，在一點點借力，突然下面人跑了，我就這麼掛在了上面。當時由於家中生意上的問題，虧了一大筆資金，突然家道中落，這下終於引發出了，人生中又一次思考，我就這樣掛在那堵“高牆”上，思考著，這次終於不是鬧著玩的了。

當一個人物質世界匱乏的時候，精神世界往往會豐富起來，終於明白現實中的現實，是這十來年的主題，老天給了我一個新副本，我也開始逐個解鎖新技能，比如這首小詩

微信，

通訊錄來回翻著，

無數頭像從眼前飄過，

這時候我在想，

我在這些頭像背後的人眼中是一個什麼樣子的人，

我在別人眼中是一個可以信賴的人嗎？

是一個還可以被想起是什麼樣子的人嗎？

我也能想起這些頭像背後的他們嗎？

我在狠狠的想著他們怎麼想我，

我在狠狠的看著頭像面前的我，

其實，

我在想，

借錢……”

想來也真是奇葩，彷彿生活中的拮据變成了一把把靈感的鑰匙，在這個過程中不斷創作著，面向畫佈時，能夠撫摸自己的靈魂，可以遺忘掉很多的不愉快，回望曾經的自己，那時候也許是多麼的荒誕，結果看看現在的世界，那才是真正的荒誕並且現實魔幻，總體來說八零後這代沒有經歷過前面的動盪與不安，我們伴隨著開放而成長，看著日漫打著遊戲吃著老包裝的小零食，成為祖國那時候的小花朵，大部分人臉上都洋溢著對希望的嚮往，茁壯的過程中從未想過，那隻是一茬茬的小韭菜在迎風飄揚，我們曾被說是垮掉的一代，因為前人從未泡在春風裡，而我們卻在罐中舔著蜜，聽到的總是我們不知什麼是受苦，因為曾經物質匱乏，科技落後，所以生活舉步維艱。而我們終於變成了那幸福的一代，對，我們趕上了房貸車貸各種貸，最後八零後變成了有情懷的一代，我們體會過那個時代最後的純真，也趕上了這個時代的物慾橫流，此時此刻正在遭受的天災而最終導致的人禍，正是背後隱藏已久的毒瘤，在一點點的侵蝕著，我像懦夫一樣毫無還手之力，我在一遍遍問自己，是當聽話的狗，還是有獨立思考的人，我只有拿起筆在畫布上真實的記錄著我的所思所想，面對這個荒誕又畜生橫行的世界，也只有對它輕輕一吻。

寫了這麼多，我慢慢點了根煙，準備看中國男足排除在外的世界杯。阿根廷對波蘭。我對比賽下了賭注，不在乎輸贏。但這也不好——短期賭一場比賽是要花錢，長期賭一個人的命運卻是要命。我們永遠不知道最後的贏家是誰。

還記得十幾年前第一次參加展覽時的激動心情。站在四川美術館外，看著我做的用作展覽海報背景的油畫，我的心被填滿了。不幸的是，隨著時間的流逝，這種感覺逐漸消失，直到我女兒的出生。

我從來沒有打算安定下來——結婚生子對我來說似乎是一項巨大的責任和可怕的承諾。為人父母從來都不是一個需要我父母那一代人回答的問題。它被構建為已婚成年人不可避免的被動決定，並深深植根於社會文化結構中。過去，人們很少考慮在一個不“兒童友好”的社會中撫養孩子的潛在風險和問題。當福利和教育體係無法成功支撐一個家庭，身為父親的我能做些什麼？

我成為了一名教育工作者。

通過滋養孩子的靈魂，為孩子的進步提供可靠的指導，在我的學生中傳授知識、良好的價值觀和傳統，我希望我的學生在長大後能夠繼續建設一個更美好的世界——一個真誠、善良的世界 和希望，以及我心愛的女兒生活的世界。

林朋

1983年5月生於成都。然而來到人間的頭三年卻在新疆度過，因為母親響應國家號召知識青年下鄉到新疆，父親在那邊當兵，直到後來轉業，我才跟著又回到成都。從此至今，成都人的烙印在我身上越陷越深。

從1989年上小學直到2000年高三，和國內大多數八零後一樣，軌跡正常。一場意外的加持與洗禮，讓我四年後以美術考生參加2004年高考，接下來在川音成都美術學院度過四年時光直到2008年畢業。

當年如果沒有碰到我的恩師唐濤唐老師也許早就沒有在藝術這條路上摸爬滾打了，2009年第一次參加四川省美術館的展覽，很激動，後來陸續參加過一些國內的各種展覽，也就不那麼激動了。做藝術家需要先活下來，頭腦一熱傾其所有在2014年投資了一家火鍋店，準備日後能有地方固定拿飯票，就可以所畫的東西無需去迎合，結果用血本無歸，事實證明我還是很天真。

2016年為了生計，和朋友一起做了一個小小的藝術類培訓機構——西里糊塗藝術生活館，我們很負責任的不教兒童簡筆劃，我經常給家長朋友說這裡其實不是教畫畫的。為什麼要叫西里糊塗，因為我們每個人都是稀里糊塗來到這個世界，但是絕對不能稀里糊塗的死去，所以繪畫只是一門語言，最重要的是用這門語言去表達自己，我們的情感需要表達，思想需要表達，我們是人……

2018年迎來了我生命中最重要的一個人，我的女兒。

绘画、西里糊塗藝術生活館、养育女儿。看起来一切都向著好的方向發展，接著沒多久就經歷了光怪陸離的三年，不斷的關門，關門，還是關門，最後就像拔了毛被砍成重傷的一隻雄雞還要朝著陽光嘶聲的打著鳴，至今我們繼續堅持著。

這兩年參加的展覽少了，但是一直在畫著，因為繪畫本身就是生命的一部分，有很大的意義，也毫無意義。