Outside of Art
Li Yuyang
On the original timeline, my character design and storyline should have been set in the capital city. However, when the pandemic started, I was swept up in the rolling “white terror“, risking being taken away for “quarantine” at any time and spending my days on the internet shouting at the inhuman “whiteness” and filming the government‘s inaction. Because I repeatedly refused to go downstairs to queue for nucleic acid tests, I was accused of “provoking trouble” and was “forcibly isolated“…
But in reality, I was inadvertently separated… My new directorial film “Migration” was halted for release. After many unsuccessful negotiations, I took my family and began traveling out of frustration. At first, it was just to soothe my emotions through travel. After touring southern Europe, I landed in the Philippines, shortly before the outbreak of COVID–19 in October 2019…
I had experienced Beijing‘s SARS outbreak in 2003, which soon passed. Therefore, I made the decisive decision not to return to Beijing. At that time, I had a now–laughable belief that the tropical heat would easily kill the virus, making it impossible to spread in tropical areas. It was truly ridiculous… but everything began from there…
Looking back on that period, the first six months were the most difficult to endure. Hopes were shattered time and time again, watching the Philippine government issue a new home policy every ten days, then another ten days… Watching the soaring infection numbers every day, with no signs of improvement. Suddenly, I felt that this epidemic was becoming more and more unusual. My inner self began to become restless. The only reassuring thing was that the epidemic prevention and control policies in the Philippines were particularly mild. Even when the strictest prevention and control measures were in place, only one person per household was allowed to go out to purchase essential goods.
It lasted for about a month, from 10 p.m. to 8 a.m. the next day, when I could not go out. The place where I lived was adjacent to the coastal road along Manila Bay. I almost went out for a walk every day…
It should have been before the Omicron variant, but I cut off all contacts outside of my family because I lived with my 70–year–old parents, and I was most worried about them getting infected. I wore a mask when I went out, and I was always spraying alcohol. I would take a shower and change my clothes every time I went out. As it turned out, this set of preventive measures really worked, and all five members of my family passed through safely.
Before the emergence of the Omicron variant, I had cut off all social interactions outside of my family. Living with my 70–year–old parents, I was most worried about them getting infected. I wore a mask when going out and constantly sprayed alcohol, and as soon as I left the house, I made sure to shower and change clothes. As it turned out, this combination of preventive measures really worked, and my family of five all safely made it through.
In terms of information, I had become accustomed to the YouTube, Twitter, Facebook…Google ecosystem and had blocked Tencent‘s news push notifications. It was during this time that I seemed to have seen the “truth“. I was repulsed by the slogans and grand narratives that people spouted without thinking. I had used a proxy VPN to “climb over the wall” before, and I had been conflicted and tangled. But never before had I felt so strongly.
For the first time in my life, I had such a long and quiet period of contemplation. Perhaps the occurrence of this event was destined by some mysterious force to create a condition for some people to quiet down and think, and I happened to be among them…
I am grateful for the ocean here, which fills 71% of the earth‘s surface, just like the indispensable 70% of water in my body. Saying this might sound too artistic and insincere, but it is the closest description of my feeling towards the ocean after thinking it over. I was born in the inland area on the border between Shanxi and Hebei and went to school and work in Beijing. The first time I saw the ocean was in 2005, when I was already 25 years old, and what I saw was the sea of Bohai Bay, which was polluted and blackened… For a long time, I had always thought that the beautiful and clean ocean was an illusion… But here, I witnessed the real and beautiful ocean.
My soul and body have found their home. In order to restore this feeling of “rebirth“, I took my neighbor friends to the sea during the pandemic to film “Rebirth” (video link: https://youtu.be/wKqpd24GDuo). At the same time, during that period, I had my own understanding of this space. This was also the first time I spoke it out: Look at our world, except it‘s not heaven, everything can be. Watching the tangible and intangible killings and devourings among carbon-based organisms, it is a form of mutual repayment after owing each other energy.
In Chinese mythology, “Shang Dao Shan” in the underworld is where cattle and sheep are chopped into small pieces and thin slices, “Xia Huo Hai” is the barbecue of chicken, duck, beef and mutton, and “Guo You Guo” is where everything can be turned into tempura. These are all true depictions of hell, visible and tangible, and all of this happens in our
world, where some of us play the role of executioners. We have woven together the underworld and our world, and our experiences of birth, aging, illness, and death undoubtedly hover between the two. The only thing we can do is to stay as far away from hell as possible. As for heaven, it may be beyond reach for some things and just a thought away for others.
From birth, it seems that I have been trying very hard to blend into various groups and participate in game modes dictated by others. I repeatedly recite the standard answers set by others and often torment my soul and body because I am not familiar with other people’s game modes…I should follow my own game mode. I pitch my tent above the highest tide line at the beach, and as long as there is fresh water, I can live here indefinitely. I just need to hold my breath and dive into the ocean, and at a depth of only 10 meters, it feels like returning to the womb, or in simpler terms, entering my mother’s belly.
Two minutes, although only two minutes, can make you feel like time is dragging on. It’s long enough for you to think about so many things, because time is truly relative, and even if time stops, thinking can still continue.
The pandemic will eventually pass after three years, and now it’s 2023, a new beginning. My family and I now live in Japan, where we still can’t see heaven. But we are farther away from hell.
Li Yuyang
I am Li Yuyang, a filmmaker and multimedia artist. I lived in China from 1981 to 2018, the Philippines from 2019 to 2023, and from 2023 onwards, I reside in Japan.
藝術之外
原本的時間線上,我的人物設定和故事線應該在帝都,疫情開始後,我被席捲在滾滾的“白色恐怖”中,冒著隨時被拉去“隔離”的風險,成天在網絡上喊話無人性的“大白” ,拍視頻紀錄政府的不作為。因屢次拒絕下樓排隊核酸,被“尋釁滋事” 、被“強制隔離” ……
而現實中我被陰差陽錯的剝離出來了……我新導演的電影《遷》被叫停發行。多次交涉無果後,我一氣之下帶著家人開始旅遊。起初也只是想藉著旅遊,平復下心情。歐洲南部轉了一圈後,就在落地菲律賓不久,2019年10月武漢肺炎開始了……
我經歷過2003年的北京非典,沒多久就過去了。所以,果斷的決定暫不回北京。當時有一個至今看來可笑的認知,我認為熱帶的高溫會輕鬆殺死病毒,使其不可能在熱帶傳播,真是可笑……總之一切都那麼開始了……
回頭想想那個時期,開始的半年是最難熬的。希望在一次又一次的等待中破滅著,看著菲律賓政府每隔10天發出一個新的的居家政策,一個10天,接著又一個10天……看著每天感染數字的飆升,沒有任何好轉的跡象。突然覺得這場疫情越來越不尋常。內心開始變得焦躁不安。欣慰的一點是,菲律賓的疫情防控政策特別溫和,防控最嚴格的時候,也只是要求每戶只能一個人可以出門採購生活必需品。
大概持續了一個月時間,晚上10點到次日8點不能外出。我住的地方挨著馬尼拉灣的沿海公路。我幾乎每天都去溜達溜達……
應該是在奧密克戎毒株以前,我斷絕除家人以外的交往,因為和70歲的父母住一起,最擔心他們被感染。出門戴口罩,時刻都在噴酒精,只要出了家門就一定洗澡換洗衣服。事實證明這一套預防組合拳還真的起作用了,全家五口人都平安的渡過了。
資訊方面,完全習慣了YouTube 、Twitter 、F acebook …… google生態。屏蔽了騰訊推送的新聞。也就是在那個時候,我似乎看到了“真相” ,那些慣以張嘴就來的口號和宏大敘事的形式讓我反感。我之前也使用代理VPN“翻牆” ,也矛盾,也糾結。但是從來沒有過這麼強烈。
生平第一次擁有這麼久,這麼安靜的思考時間。可能冥冥中註定的這個事件的發生,是某種神秘力量讓一部分人靜下來思考的條件,我恰巧也在這一部分裡……
感恩這裡有大海,那填充了地球表面71%的空虛;就像那補充在我軀體裡那70%的不可缺少的水份。這麼說可能太文藝,不夠真誠。但這是我想來想去最接近對大海感受的描述。我生在山西和河北交界的內陸地區,上學工作在北京。我第一次看到大海是2005年,那時候我已經25歲了,看到的是渤海灣的海,那片被污染的發黑的海……很長一段時間裡,我一直認為美麗乾淨的大海是幻想出來的……而在這裡,我見證了大海的真實和美好。
我的靈魂和身體都找到了歸宿。為了還原這種“重生”的感受,我疫情期間拉著鄰居小伙伴,去海裡拍了《重生》(視頻http s://youtu.be/wKqpd24GDuo)同時在那個階段,我有了自己對這個空間的感悟。這也是我第一次講出來:看看我們的世界,除了不是天堂,什麼都可以是。看著碳基生物之間的有形無形的殺戮和吞噬,那是相互之間欠下能量之後的一種彼此償還的形式。
中國神話體里地獄裡的“上刀山”不就是把牛羊切成小塊兒和薄片兒,“下火海”是雞鴨牛羊的燒烤,“過油鍋”即是“萬物皆可天婦羅” 。以上種種的形式都是地獄的真實寫照,看得見,摸得著,這一切就發生在我們的人間,而我們中的一部分就充當著劊子手。我們親手把地獄和人間編織在一起,我們經受的生老病死無疑徘徊在地獄和人間。我們唯一能做的只有盡量離地獄遠一些。而天堂對萬物而言,有些遙不可及,有些一念之間。
從出生開始,我似乎都在很努力的嘗試融入各種群體之中,參與著別人規定的遊戲模式。反覆背誦著別人規定的標準答案,時常為了不熟悉別人的遊戲模式而摧殘著自己的靈魂和肉體……我應該遵循自己的遊戲模式。我帶著帳篷在海邊當天最高潮位線以上紮營,只要有淡水,我就可以在這裡一直生活下去,只需閉氣潛入大海裡,只需10米深度,那是回歸母體的感覺,再通俗點,來到媽媽的肚子裡。
兩分鐘,雖然只有兩分鐘,但是在那一刻時間感受會變的漫長,漫長到你可以想明白太多太多,因為時間真的是相對的,即使時間停止了,思考依然可以繼續。
疫情三年時間總會過去,時間還是來到了2023年,新的開始,如今我和家人生活在日本,這裡同樣看不到天堂。但是,離地獄會遠一些。
李浴洋
我是李浴洋,電影導演,多媒體藝術家。 1981年~2018年生活在中國,2019年~2023年生活在菲律賓,2023起居住在日本。
与我们联系:
网站:http://www.nyrcart.org
微信公众号:纽约当代NYRcA
邮箱:nyrcart@gmail.com